Ants!
Did you know?
Ants own some of the most sophisticated dry cleaning facilities in the world!
These ants are slowly, meticulously tearing the filth off of sportster's worn jacket.
Ants are intolerant of uncleanliness, which they regard as wicked, and do not require instructions
when given clothes to clean. More than two thousand ants will perish during the cleaning of an
average t-shirt or hamster tent, their corpses removed by their comrades with unnerving calm.
Ants use complex social technologies to find, obtain, and organize the clothes they clean.
Private detectives compile vast files on public officials, detailing their untidiness, and these
are combined with advanced anonymization software to form the perfect blackmail data. Compromised
mayors and police administrators, helpless before the threat of revelation, hurry to seize
dirty clothes from local citizens and rush them to the ants. If necessary, police will carry so-called
"drop guns" to frame those who resisted during the confiscation of their property.
Consider the Tortoise
Wow!
Tortoises are a part of humankind's interconnectedness with nature. They have evolved from footstools ("ottomans")
and small loveseats ("saracens") as a result of farmers selectively breeding for mobility, docility, and having
armor. Tortoises were originally used to protect crops from birds and locusts, but could not reliably be made to
fly. Escaped tortoises and related species ("turtles," "terrapins," "tourniquets") have since become a vital part
of the Earth's ecosystem. In parts of the Americas, they have forced armadillos back onto land.
Long Live the King!
Rock and roll!
Pine trees are used by rocks as crowns. Their nobility, grace, and pointiness make them
unmistakably regal. This example from ancient post-modern Turkey is a rare image of a striated rock face
accepting the penance of a contrite jade sculpture (unpictured). Note the distant imperial mountain in the
background, and in the foreground, the grayish, whitish colors of the rock face.
Note the lack of any royal insignia on this mountain. Though it may appear fierce, its grim countenance telling
of the glory and bitterness of war, the skilled historian avoids reading modern ideas into ancient contexts. This
mountain is undoubtedly common, with perhaps no more rank than we would give an ugly pair of shoes. Some writers
consider the long peace of giant mountain ranges as evidence of the stability provided by a political system we see
as stratified. Others consider the harsh snickering of mountain aristocrats a distinct injustice.
Presented: A Fish
Something is fishy here!
This fish is an example of evil. It was discovered in Peru, buried at the exact center of the country's heaviest
mountain. Unscathed after dynamitings and being pushed off of a really high table, this fish's
horrible staring eye can sear the souls of even the holiest yogis. Some Peruvians now regret destroying Heavy
Mountain.
Grace and Elegance
Hopalong, cowpoke!
This Mongolian devil beast, or grassy hopper, is used by warriors and delivery people throughout the steppes of
Asia to leap between blades of grass. Snapping herds of such animals once delivered Genghis Khan's invincible armies
beer and cigarettes from corner stores all over Eurasia. Powerful bike messenger guilds have prevented the use of
grassy hoppers in modern Europe and North America.